Musings of a Recovering Micro Managing Mother

Sitting at the park, all by myself, out of view from where my children are playing. The youngest is 4 years old, and perfectly capable of communication. Oldest is 8.

I don't normally do this, but I think I may more often.

It's a public park. There are lots of other families here. Most of the parents are right by the playground or even on the playground mulch supervising and helping their children should they have the slightest difficulty. . . And I used to.

I am studying; out in nature, under the tree my oldest picked for us to sit under for lunch, before being abandoned for the playground and the new friends waiting there. Most parents are monitoring their childrens interactions with all the other children on the playground, ready to offer quick correction if there is anything in the slightest wrong with their behavior. I used to do that (most days I do/did). I don't think that works long term. I hope I remember to not do that.

The picnic table I am sitting at has a half eaten banana muffin right on the table surface. An open container of organic cut carrots and celery, a bag of organic washed apples, and water bottles. Other families have take out, packaged fruit snacks or crackers, or juice and soda. I used to. I am getting better. Occasionally I get a visit from one of the little rompers to refresh themself and tell me what they are learning. Usually this is where I would offer all the verbal validation and instruction I could impart to them as wisdom to cary through their work at the playground and beyond. Today, I just listen, and sometimes I ask an interested question. I like this better. I hope I remember this.

I'm studying about the electro magnetic frequency (EMF) of fibers in clothing. It is beautiful to see how science with fibers (like what is being honestly discovered of food) is proving what our ancestors and thousands of years of human history have know for ever so long. Some fibers are full of energy and life, while others are literally quite dead. Linen (made from flax, which I didn't know), wool, and bamboo read in at 5000 mhz. While the healthy human body sits only at about 100 mhz. Polyesters, synthetic fabrics, sit at about 10mhz. About 3 years ago most of my closet was full of synthetic clothing. Clothing which "hath no life" as the scriptures say about the daughters of Zion in the last day. Now it's mostly non organic cotton, which reads at anywhere from 40-70 mhz, which is still low, and taking of energy, but improved. Organic cotton and hemp read in at 100 mhz. Not life giving, but not taking either. I think I'll find some of that. I have one piece of wool. My daughter runs up rosey cheeked, picks a carrot from the bag, and as I set down my reading she tells me about her work with her new friends. I listen.

As I'm left alone I noticed our carrots and celery and organic banana muffins are in plastic Ziploc bag, in a plastic cooler... I never loved plastic, and now I start to notice the fibers around me more intently. My shoes, which are off to the side, have synthetic soles. My watch has a synthetic band. My glasses frames are plastic. My undergarments are synthetic... I make a mental note to look for alternatives. My son calls out. I put down my musings. He has found a piece of log. The biggest on in a collection of them, apparently. He has rolled it to be within view of me. He asks if we can take it home to be part of his work outside. He notices as it rolls it tends to go to one side and not truly straight to me. He is frustrated, but focused. Occasionally sharing what he is noticing about what works and helps, and sometimes how frustrated he is. I purposefully choose not to weigh in until invited to. I simply watch him do his work with confidence. I am learning to trust.

We are leaving the park. The children carry our supplies from the table while I cary our new stump. No on in our little possy has had such an invigorating trip to the park. More trust, more truth, more rest, more growth, not perfect but in process and progress to perfection. Exercising faith in pursuit of the ideal.