Respect for the Man

My sweetheart was scrolling through movies on Netflix with the children the other day and paused on a video. Usually when he does that it means he is considering that as a viewing option for the family. I said one word. "No."

A little about me. I don't like viewing new films with our children around. Even kids films.

I like to know what is in the film to determine if it's good to view with my children or not BEFORE watching it as a family.

I do not trust the world has the best interest of my children at heart, especially today.

However I do trust my husband, and that was not communicated in the one word I chose.

Ladies, I can't tell you the importance a man places on his woman's words, and our words in how they relate to him. Even if your man doesn't seem too much into words, or doesn't care much for speaking, often this means words have even more power. Do we trust him? Do we trust his leadership of our unified family? Do we respect his decision making? Do we honor and respect his wishes and choices? When I said, "No." I was communicating, my fear of the unknown trumps my faith in your ability to choose a good film, or turn it off if it turns out to have content which drives our family in a direction we don't agree with.

My husband, understandably, responded in a hurt manner. This can look different. Sometimes they get quiet, sometimes they undermine what you said because they felt undermined by you, and sometimes they are aware enough to express it outright, and I'm sure there are many other ways. I didn't realize he responded in hurt. I felt my husband was hurtful in his particular response to my "no", but a shower gave me enough space to see, hurt people respond in a hurt manner. I was first to inflict hurt, though it wasn't intended. It truly doesn't matter what my husband did or didn't do. I'm not in control of that or him and rightly so. What matters is the actions I take based on my own responsibilities. I don't get to decide how he feels about what I did. If he was hurt, I get to decide how to respond to his hurt. If I look over his feelings because I have a "right" to, I am wrongly choosing me over we.

I came out of the shower and went to the family room where they were watching a family favorite film. I asked honey if he was free to come upstairs for me to talk with him. He came up in the kind of energy you might expect, but he came! I apologized. I apologized for not respecting his judgement. I stated that I trust him to be the leader of our home and a father to our kids. I apologized that my statement contradicted that message. I reiterated that the most important thing to me is that he feels respected by me and our children. I apologized and asked forgiveness. He gave it. We kissed. And he bounced out of the room. Bounced. He felt good and it showed in his behavior.  It takes practice to read my husband's face and expressions. But he was full of life. My apology put some wind back in his sails. He was silly and happy with the kids. He was joyful in his vocal tone.

He was my man again. Open, alive, and strong in a loving way. I expressed my belief in him in the way he understood, and he felt it.

Respect.

If you haven't read the book "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, I highly recommend it. Society does enough to tear our men down. But as a wife and woman of God we have the power to give righteous power to our man. It is our gift and privlege as daughters of God to be Women to his Men. If you want a man of God, be a woman of God. This book helped me learn better how. 

This is where I stopped and had my husband read my post.

     

I did have my husband read this post before posting. He said it seems I give myself airs. Like "look at what I did to make my husband feel xyz!" That is not my intent. It is my intent to say, how we treat people matters. It does have a real effect. My husband is a man, and he is strong without my apologies and respect. But he is my man when I treat him with respect. It makes it easier to be a man     or woman of God when you are treated like one. I'm not perfect. This is only one time where I did        what felt right to do, when other times I don't. Maybe I give women too much credit for how men        feel ... or maybe they don't know how much it means. Either way, he was happier, and at least what I     did wasn't going to hurt anything!

Maybe truly how he felt wasn't impacted by my words or behavior at all! 

        (Some people put very little weight to words as I said before. These people amaze me. I am a 79%         on words of affirmation being my #1 love language... my sweetheart is a 2%) 

Okay... but does it matter? Maybe all that needed to change was... me.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Which came first, my husband feeling happy or my ability to see it because my heart toward him changed?

Does it matter?

I don't think so.

Because either way it invited growth, it will produce more of those attitudes, it will multipy, it will replenish. Isn't that a pattern of God? My actions changed something. They changed someone. And EVEN IF it's only myself, that's the best kind of win. When we are better we have a better effect and influence on those around us.

End of disclaimer.